Suffering? It's all worth it!

I would have to say that I have had my share of suffering in my life.

Some of the things that I have gone through are what would be characterized as the "paper cuts of life", those things that aren't life shattering, but are certainly annoyances.

Other things could qualify as more than "paper cuts". The last few years, I would have to say, have not been the most fun. I've dealt with a stomach ailment, that for many months was of unknown origin, and once a diagnosis was made, it meant a complete change of lifestyle; we've dealt with a conflict with Scott's daughters that has not had a good outcome; and a year ago Scott lost his job. Each of these problems on their own would be fairly manageable, but toss them all together and I will have to say....I was a mess!

About 6 months ago, I was really beginning to doubt a lot of things. I was in such a state of depression that I was even beginning to doubt God. I didn't doubt that God existed....but the thoughts that I was having were that of "If God loves me, why are these things happening? If God loves me, why won't he heal me?" It has been a long process for me to work through these thoughts. With a lot of prayer, and immersing myself in Scripture and other Godly things, I'm beginning to make sense of it. Here are a few things that I've learned.

1. Just because you are a Christian doesn't mean that trouble won't come, in fact, just the opposite is true. Romans 8:17 "Now if we are children, then we are heirs --heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."
2. Suffering is a result of sin, not that suffering is necessarily a punishment for a specific sin, but because sin is in the world suffering is a natural result. Romans 5:12 "Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned"
3. That if the suffering is because of Christ, then I can rejoice! Luke 6:22-23 "Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets."
4. God allows suffering to draw His children to Him and to produce perseverance. If my life was always a "bowl of cherries", then I would not have a need for God. I would never have to pray to Him, or depend on Him, and my faith would whither. Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Though I still don't like my suffering, I can see now why it is necessary and I can honestly say that I am closer to God now than I have ever been, and I am more at peace than I have ever been. Are my problems gone? No. I'm still not healed, Scott's daughters still aren't talking to us, and Scott is still unemployed (though God is providing for us is some very creative ways!)

So what HAS changed? My attitude. I've discovered that:
1. In every problem you have to put it in perspective. Nothing that I have gone through can measure up to what the people in Haiti have suffered, or what a close personal friend suffered a year ago with the murder of her son.
2. Think of the positive, don't dwell on the problem.
3. Count your blessings. I know that sounds simplistic, but it's true. If you actually take the time to list all the things you have to be thankful for, then the problems don't seem so big.
4. Most of all remember that in all things, God is faithful. He will provide for us out of His glorious riches. (Philippians 4:19)
Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

This life, with all of it's problems, is fleeting. It is just a tiny speck in comparison to eternity. How thankful I am that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will spend eternity with Jesus in Heaven where there is no pain, no sickness, no tears, no death.

If in this moment that I spend on earth, I suffer because of Christ, or in my suffering I am drawn closer to Christ....then it is all worth it!

Myers-Brigg personality test

I just took the Myers-Brigg personality test and my results are:

I - introverted
S - sensing
F - feeling
J - judging

Here is how it was described:

Follows the rules, polite, fears drawing attention to self, dislikes competition, somewhat easily frightened, easily offended, timid, dutiful, private, lower energy, finisher, organized, socially uncomfortable, modest, not confrontational, easily hurt, observer, prone to crying, not spontaneous, does not appreciate strangeness - intolerant to differences, apprehensive, clean, planner, prone to confusion, afraid of many things, responsible, guarded, avoidant, anxious, cautious, suspicious, more interested in relationships and family than intellectual pursuits, not adventurous, fears doing the wrong thing, dislikes change.

I agree with a lot of this! The ones I think aren't accurate are:
*Intolerant to differences...I think I'm a pretty tolerant person.
*Prone to confusion....I see things pretty clearly, and if I don't understand something, I will study it until I do understand it.
*Not adventurous...I LOVE adventure, I just don't do things that could end up in death! Things like, bungee jumping or sky diving! LOL

The rest of it is pretty accurate! There are some things that I am working on in my personality that I would like to change, such as:
*Afraid of many things...I am praying that I will no longer have a spirit of fear, but a spirit of peace.
*Anxious...this kind of goes along with the one above. I know my anxiety is the main source of my stomach issues, so I am trying to become less anxious.

Some of it I am very please with. Such as: Follows the rules, polite, dutiful, finisher, organized, modest, not confrontational, observer, clean, planner, responsible, more interested in relationships and family than intellectual pursuits, and fears doing the wrong thing. I think these are admirable qualities!

I found this test to be very interesting and accurate!

If you would like to take this simple test here is the link:

http://similarminds.com/cgi-bin/newmb.pl

Our first camping trip of 2010

On Sunday, after church, we left in our 1970 Travco and drove a whole 15-20 miles to Potato Creek State Park. We decided to go to a place that was really close to home to save on gas. We also decided to go at the beginning of the week, because Sunday through Wednesday it is $17.00 a day; Thursday through Saturday is $25.00 a day. So, our first camping trip cost us around $60.00!

We got to our site around 2:00 p.m. and set up camp. This consisted of plugging the camper into the electric, turning on the air conditioning, pulling out the awning, and getting out our camp chairs. It took us all of 15 minutes. I love that about camping in an RV!!

Scott and I were totally whipped. He's been helping my brother out on a job. My brother does reconstruction work. He goes in after a fire, or other type of home damage and does all the rebuilding. He has a lot of work right now, so Scott has been helping him out. So, he worked with Brad the whole week prior to us going (including Saturday), plus he still had to do things around the house, and get the camper ready to roll. I was whipped because my schoolwork has been increasingly difficult, plus I really got used to having Scott home to help me with the chores around the house. So, Sunday we basically sat in our camp chairs and "people watched". Supper consisted of hotdogs cooked in the microwave we have in our camper, (we were too tired to even build a fire to cook the hotdogs), and chips. Around 9:00, we retired to the camper and watched the movie "RV" with Robin Williams. Totally hilarious movie!!!

Monday morning we woke up around 9:00....it was SOOOOO nice to sleep in!!! Then Scott and I enjoyed a cup of coffee and a time of reading our Bibles out under the awning of the camper. I also woke up with an allergy attack.....runny nose, congestion, etc. I love camping and being in the great outdoors, but this time of year is especially bad for my allergies with the corn tasseling. Living in Indiana, it's NOT a good thing to have an allergy to corn tassels!! Also, campfire smoke doesn't do me any good either. So, I took a Benadryl. Needless to say, around lunchtime....I was a zombie! After lunch, we went for a bike ride over to the beach, and we got the kids some ice cream at the concession stand. We rode back to the camper, and I went in a took a 2 hour nap! Not because of the bike ride, but because of the Benadryl! It was so nice to just SLEEP! After my nap, I felt so much more refreshed.

That afternoon, Scott and I sat in our chairs some more and did more "people watching". People can be very interesting to watch. Across from our campsite, there were 2 different families camping. Each family had 3 children, and it was interesting to see how totally different these families were, and how they interacted with each other. Family A was a couple in probably in their late 30's early 40's. Their children ranged from around 10 to 6. It was obvious that the parents loved spending time with their kids, the dad took the kids fishing numerous times, he played catch with one of the kids giving "pointers" in a loving way, the mom also played catch even though she had to chase the ball more than actually catching it. It was refreshing to see them interact. Family B was a couple in their early-to-mid 20's. Their children ranged from around 7 to 1. It was obvious that the children were a burden to these parents. The kids were left to their "own devices", the baby was not watched (made me incredibly nervous when he toddled near the fire!!), the mother swore at the kids numerous times, the dad was disinterested. This family made me sad.

Supper Monday night was Sweet Italian sausages cooked over the fire, we also had roasted new potatoes and onions cooked in a foil packet over the fire, and mixed vegetables (cooked in the microwave). We ate "el fresco". After supper, the kids cooked marshmallows over the fire and made s'mores. We stayed up really late....the kids loved it!

Tuesday, we awoke to a downpour (so no coffee and Bible reading under the awning today). The rain lasted until around 11:00, then the sun came out. The day was spent walking the dogs around the park, playing "Mancala" with the kids, and of course... "people watching". Then we jumped in the van and went over to the Nature Center. We were there just before they started a presentation on "Bloodsuckers". So, naturally, we had to listen! LOL It was all about mosquitoes, fleas, ticks, and LEECHES eeewwww!!! It was actually really interesting! My favorite part of the Nature Center is the bird viewing area. Its a spot where they have one-way glass so people can see the animals, but the animals can't see the people. They have a small water pond, and LOTS of different bird feeders. We saw doves, cardinals, red-winged blackbirds, grosbeaks, gold finches, but the most interesting birds to watch were the hummingbirds! There were 4 or 5 of them having aerial combat over the nectar, it was so cool! Of course, more critters are attracted than birds. We saw numerous squirrels of varying types and sizes, 2 ground hogs, and a raccoon that came right up to the glass. I could have stayed there all day! I told Scott that when we are rich (HAHAHA) I want him to build me a room just like that one off of our house.

Supper Tuesday night was grilled chicken over the fire, more roasted potatoes only this time without the onions, and mixed veggies. Of course, the kids MUST do s'mores again! Since this was our last night, we burned up all our wood and had a nice fire for most of the evening.

Wednesday was spent as a very leisurely morning. Sleeping late, the kids took one last bike ride, and we walked the dogs down to the "dog beach". Lucy jumped right in the water, but Sally wanted nothing to do with it. As we walked along the shore, we came upon a spot where there had obviously been a flock of geese....you wouldn't BELIEVE the amount of poop that geese can produce!! It was totally disgusting and we soon left. After we got back to the camper, we had lunch and we slowly packed up. We pulled out around 1:00.

It was such a nice, relaxing time!!! None of us wanted to leave, and I am totally looking forward to our next trip! I'm looking forward to the day when we can afford a newer camper that is better suited to our family, and when we have the money to go camping more often.

P.S. We didn't take ANY pictures!!! BOOOO! Every time we were somewhere and wanted to take pictures, we had forgotten the camera at the camper!

Spirit Of Fear

I have always been what you would call a worrier. I have been for as long as I can remember. When I was a very little girl...probably around 5 I learned that germs make you sick....so I became intensely afraid of germs. I would get so upset if I thought something of mine had germs on it. Now, as an adult, I wouldn't say that I am a germaphobe, but I am extremely cautious. I carry germx and antibacterial wipes in my purse, I wipe down the tables in restaurants with the wipes and make my kids use germx every night before supper. I wash my hands A LOT. I am very cautious when I cook and use bleach cleaner in excess. I won't drink after anyone, not even my husband. If one of my kids wants a drink of my beverage, they have to get a separate glass...or I won't share my drink. I won't share utensils either. If I have to visit anyone in the hospital, (other than the maternity ward) I will break into a sweat, get nauseous, and have heart palpitations. I think I would classify myself as borderline germaphobic, borderline OCD.

My fears have held me back over the years. I've not followed my dreams because of fear. I have passed up experiences because of fear. I have many fears that are completely irrational, and I know they are irrational...but they are still there in the back of my mind.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about all of the fears that I have. I have come to the realization that I am not just a worrier, I have a spirit of fear. I don't like that. I don't want to have a spirit of fear, I want to have a spirit of peace. I'm tired of worrying about things, real or imagined, when as the Bible says "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27 I know that many of my physical problems are manifestations of a life of anxiety. I know that my Irritable Bowel Syndrome has direct links to my anxiety. My body is so sensitive, that I will have an IBS attack before I am even aware that I am anxious about anything.

Today I had my annual physical exam at my doctor's. It was just a check up, nothing to worry about. But, the end of last week I had IBS symptoms because my doctor's appointment was on my mind. It's so crazy!! My doctor is one of the nicest guys on the planet! He is a Christian, and he's been my doctor for 12 years. I wasn't having any issues to be worried about, I wasn't having any symptoms of anything. Yet, I was anxious. Not horribly anxious, but a just a little anxious....my body reacted to those "signals" and I was really sick for about 4 days. My doctor's appointment went fine! My doctor was just as nice and kind as ever, and he gave me a clean bill of health! I had some routine blood work done to check my CBC, TSH (thyroid), and a metabolic panel. And I will be having a mammogram done in the next week or two, (OUCH!!) also just routine. When I asked him about the need for the mammogram he said, "well, you're 42 now.....it's time to get a baseline mammogram"....gee thanks doc....just what I needed...a reminder that I'm getting older! LOL

This spirit of fear runs in my family I think. My grandfather (dad's dad) was a fearful person, and I also see this spirit of fear in my son. I really don't want him to grow up worrying about everything, or being afraid of new experiences because of the fear of the unknown. I don't want him to have all this "stuff" in his head. I am trying to talk to him about his fears, and show him where his fears are unfounded. Mostly, I am trying to get him to give those fears to God and to rest in Him.

As part of my daily prayer time, I am asking God to take away this spirit of fear that I have lived with for so long, and to replace it with HIS spirit, a spirit of peace. Anytime I feel some of those irrational fears creeping in, I stop and take a deep breath and send a prayer to God again asking for His spirit of peace. I have a long way to go, but I know that with God's help I will overcome these chains of fear that has for so long held me back.

Romans 8:15-17
"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."