Spirit Of Fear

I have always been what you would call a worrier. I have been for as long as I can remember. When I was a very little girl...probably around 5 I learned that germs make you sick....so I became intensely afraid of germs. I would get so upset if I thought something of mine had germs on it. Now, as an adult, I wouldn't say that I am a germaphobe, but I am extremely cautious. I carry germx and antibacterial wipes in my purse, I wipe down the tables in restaurants with the wipes and make my kids use germx every night before supper. I wash my hands A LOT. I am very cautious when I cook and use bleach cleaner in excess. I won't drink after anyone, not even my husband. If one of my kids wants a drink of my beverage, they have to get a separate glass...or I won't share my drink. I won't share utensils either. If I have to visit anyone in the hospital, (other than the maternity ward) I will break into a sweat, get nauseous, and have heart palpitations. I think I would classify myself as borderline germaphobic, borderline OCD.

My fears have held me back over the years. I've not followed my dreams because of fear. I have passed up experiences because of fear. I have many fears that are completely irrational, and I know they are irrational...but they are still there in the back of my mind.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about all of the fears that I have. I have come to the realization that I am not just a worrier, I have a spirit of fear. I don't like that. I don't want to have a spirit of fear, I want to have a spirit of peace. I'm tired of worrying about things, real or imagined, when as the Bible says "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27 I know that many of my physical problems are manifestations of a life of anxiety. I know that my Irritable Bowel Syndrome has direct links to my anxiety. My body is so sensitive, that I will have an IBS attack before I am even aware that I am anxious about anything.

Today I had my annual physical exam at my doctor's. It was just a check up, nothing to worry about. But, the end of last week I had IBS symptoms because my doctor's appointment was on my mind. It's so crazy!! My doctor is one of the nicest guys on the planet! He is a Christian, and he's been my doctor for 12 years. I wasn't having any issues to be worried about, I wasn't having any symptoms of anything. Yet, I was anxious. Not horribly anxious, but a just a little anxious....my body reacted to those "signals" and I was really sick for about 4 days. My doctor's appointment went fine! My doctor was just as nice and kind as ever, and he gave me a clean bill of health! I had some routine blood work done to check my CBC, TSH (thyroid), and a metabolic panel. And I will be having a mammogram done in the next week or two, (OUCH!!) also just routine. When I asked him about the need for the mammogram he said, "well, you're 42 now.....it's time to get a baseline mammogram"....gee thanks doc....just what I needed...a reminder that I'm getting older! LOL

This spirit of fear runs in my family I think. My grandfather (dad's dad) was a fearful person, and I also see this spirit of fear in my son. I really don't want him to grow up worrying about everything, or being afraid of new experiences because of the fear of the unknown. I don't want him to have all this "stuff" in his head. I am trying to talk to him about his fears, and show him where his fears are unfounded. Mostly, I am trying to get him to give those fears to God and to rest in Him.

As part of my daily prayer time, I am asking God to take away this spirit of fear that I have lived with for so long, and to replace it with HIS spirit, a spirit of peace. Anytime I feel some of those irrational fears creeping in, I stop and take a deep breath and send a prayer to God again asking for His spirit of peace. I have a long way to go, but I know that with God's help I will overcome these chains of fear that has for so long held me back.

Romans 8:15-17
"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."